The shower (By Fulgencio Serrano)

Traslated from my book "Diario de un pesimista con buen humor"

The shower consists of five phases: faucet opening, checking temperature in your back, soaping oneself, shouting for somebody to switch butane bottle on again, drying with a “Credijoven de Cajamurcia” advertising towel and it ends fifteen seconds before warm water starts to pour. It is annoying, isn’t it? You experiencing a temperature colder than to attend Walt Disney's burial ceremony and the bloody water starts to spread when you do not already need it at all.
And it would be even worse if going to brush your teeth you felt in your pretty mouth the warm water waiting for you inside faucet, to burn it, indeed.

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I wouldn’t like lie you, I am not keen on having a shower, I do it because everybody does it, although if you realize it, something unforeseen happens when you are dripping; in fact, the doorbell, it always rings when you are quite naked forcing you to get dressed with the first thing you pick up in your way to the door: a towel around the waist, a jacket and a mountain boots worn as flip-flops, that it seems you are walking on Cibeles Catwalk stumbling across the corridor with shoelaces untied and wet hair woolly bear style.

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When you return and try to resume the shower, scarcely ten seconds after you feel a strong desire of urinating therein, then you leave toward toilettes (yes, yes, of course dear dudes, it is true necessary to go out, do not be filthy thinking that nobody can see you) and, of course, trickling on the floor marking your path as Tom Thumb (Pulgarcito) but in water pools, so your couple sees you and says: -What a disgust! -Look at the floor; you should have pissed inside the shower tube, such a pig!

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About the creams, I merely want to say here a thing that assaults my mind occasionally: why do the bottles of shampoo and gel always fall down and can not stay upright? Whichever you catch always falls the nearby one, when not the rest ones, as a bowling alley, only the bottle of nature salts keeps vertical, which falls as soon as you have put back all the bottles in their original places again. By the way, anybody knows what the utility of nature salts is? It is this kind of things Santa Claus brings you every year because someone has supposed you would like and you have to bear the humiliation because if you comment a simple word against then will give you a Micky Mouse perfume burner or perhaps, something worst. As in tobacco boxes, it would be recommendable to put a banner up in the bath door: “Shower can affect to your psychic health”